six pieces of me (cluster #1)

1. I've never had coffee or alcohol. Not ever. Why? (you ask). I've never had any desire or urge to whatsoever. And believe me, once the hardcore consumers of these delights stumble upon this information, breaking my abstinence becomes their life's mission. To no avail.

The back story is that I grew up aware of coffee-addicted and alcohol-abusing adults in my life, and I never liked the idea of a substance holding that kind of power over me. That said, I swear I was born with a sugar addiction, that was only minimally fulfilled but remained ever-present until recent years. One angry tiger in the closet is quite enough for one person, I think. I didn't need the brewskies of either kind to compound my problem. And it's taken years to let sugar go. Thank god I didn't take on anything else.

2. Origin of my fear* of falling down stairs
One day when I was a toddler, I was using a baby walker on wheels (now banned in most parts of the world) and (accidentally) fell/went down the very steep basement stairs. By some miracle, the walker stayed upright and when I arrived at the bottom of the staircase, I continued footing myself around as if nothing had happened.

While I doubt my memory of the incident is first-hand (but rather stems from hearing this near horror story told and retold by my family), I believe it accounts for the fact that I have never ever in my life gone down a set of stairs without thinking about the fact that I could slip and fall.

*It's not exactly a fear, but a mind-fullness in a negative sense of the word.

3. Fear* of riding a bike down a hill
At age nine I was riding an adult's 10-speed bike very fast down a big hill on a busy road and the front wheel suddenly collapsed in on itself. I flew over the handle bars and landed on the side of the road. I don't recall any serious injuries (besides shock) but ever since then, every single time I ride my bike fast down a hill, I consider the fact that I could go flying off and be rather seriously injured.

*Do we see a theme yet? I'm yet to find a way to shut off these mental tapes.

4. The influence of dreams
I understood the meaning of soul as a very young child. I had a dream that a pack of dobermans (dogs) was attacking me. I stood in horror as they surrounded me and devoured my limbs. They then ate the rest of my body, leaving not a trace of me. And yet I was still there! I was still me but without a body. Hello soul!

Plus, (bonus) I realized that you can't feel physical pain in dreams. That was quite helpful too. It amped up my risk-taking behaviours in lucid dreams. Knowing I couldn't get physically hurt, I then started flying through walls and exploring a lot more of my dream worlds.

4. Why having only daughters provides Yang to earlier Yin
I have five older brothers and no sisters. Growing up, I desperately longed for a sister. Best friends came and went and I never had the Brady Bunch / imaginary intimacy with a female friend that I longed for.

I spent much of my childhood looking for a girl my age my parents could adopt. Each week I read the weekly column, Today's Child by Jean Lastname?, in the Toronto Star featuring children in foster care who were available for adoption.

I'd clip out profiles of girls who seemed compatible and pin them on my bulletin board. Occasionally, when I thought I'd found a sure bet, I'd show the clipping to my mother, hoping she'd leap in the car and rush to Toronto to make arrangements. While she never balked at my wishes, neither did she comply with them either. With five (mostly wild) boys in a very small house, her cup ranneth over.

Having grown up in Testosterone Hall, having only daughters (and female pets!) has offered a fine life balance overall. Manley is happily outnumbered and I found what I was always longing for.

5. I swam my way out of mono.
Years ago when I came down with a wicked case of mononucleosis, there was no way I could accept the prognosis that said I would probably be extremely tired and out of commission for many months. I had a young child, a full-time job, and a life to live, so the whole thing was just not acceptable to me.

It started with a strep throat so painful I wished death upon myself. I kid you not. And this is coming from someone who gave birth without medication. It was brutal. As the throat infection resolved but the mono-exhaustion remained, I got it in my head that I could exercise my way out of the mono. I'm not sure why I applied the theory of opposites, but I did. I started a swimming routine, and gradually worked up to two miles a day, seven days a week. I became really, really fit and did not feel the fatiguing effects of the mono ever again.

Did the swimming fight the mono? I'll never know. But I'm sure glad I did it.

6. How to make a poor memory a happy experience
For many years, I used to leave a $20 bill in my Winter coat pocket when I would store it away each Spring. (This was a time in my life when $20 was a good chunk of change.) And every Fall I would put on the coat, find the money, and feel happily surprised. I forgot I had put it there!

My memory is oddly selective. I can't remember anything I learned in school or movies I've just seen or much about books I've just read. And apparently I can't remember that I leave surprises for myself in things like coat pockets. While it's frustrating not to have a better brain, I have learned to work it to my advantage. For Manley it means he can tell and retell funny stories and I earnestly react with the full-on belly laugh each and every time, as if every time is the first time I've heard it, because essentially, it is. Everything old is new again.

There's lots of things I do remember, but like many people, much of it is stuff I wish I could forget. Which reminds me of another story. But I'll leave it for another time.

PS: As you can see by the lack of blog entries, it was a busy week and I'm way behind in answering emails.....C'est la vie. I hope life is sweet where you are.