looking up

There are a couple of flickr groups for garden photos taken from unusual vantage points, focusing on the stuff we don't normal dwell on, like dirt, slime, insects, and decay. I like this reminder to always consider different perspectives. Otherwise I seem to take the same photos over and over again.

This one is taken below my newly opened lily. I grow it in the shade and it always makes an appearance after the others are done. I quite like its viewpoint.

head of the tomatoes

The Honorable Head of the Tomatoes, 2009

I wish to announce that the Head of the Tomatoes is once again on duty this year. Having provided most thorough and dedicated service during the 2008 tomato season, she has now been promoted to the front garden. Should you find yourself passing by, do give a wave. But please kindly abstain from the temptation to grab her fruit. We would not be amused.

my little pond

It's very nice to have the pond near the front door of the house so we can hear the gurgling fountain and see the fish rushing about many times a day. It used to be in the back, and while I liked it there too, we didn't get to enjoy it nearly as much.

When I'm on garden tours I notice a lot of ponds way in the back of the yard. The gardeners always say, We had no idea we'd love it so much and want it closer to the house/patio. Besides wanting it closer, people also say they wish they'd made the pond much bigger. Mine can't be bigger or closer to the house so I guess I'm good on both counts.

reading, making, watching, and me

I try to take one self-portrait in the garden each year. Here's the latest:



The delphs all tumbled over in a recent heavy rain/hail storm. Each year I promise myself I'll devise tall ring stands for them to counter these assaults but I always forget. Next year....

Recent books I've enjoyed:
Non-Fiction
A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table
by Molly Wizenberg (see her Orangette blog here)
I go through stages of obsessively cooking everything I can dream up to living on a raw food diet for months at a time, but no matter what, I always enjoys the tales of a real life foodie.

The Tenth Muse: My Life in Food
by Judith Jones
Judith was a foodie from birth and writes very enjoyable stories about her life and cooking adventures. She was also the woman who had the foresight to get Anne Frank published in the U.S. and published Julia Child's infamous Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Two fine feathers in her cap, no?

While on the topic of Julia Child, a few years ago I read:
My Life in France
by Julia Child
I'm sure this book will be totally hyped up this summer since the Julie/Julia movie is coming out soon, but regardless of all that hoopla, My Life in France is really enjoyable. Julia's tv show kind of scared me when I was a kid, but I really came to love her through this book.

I think the three books go great together. I'd read Julia's, then Judith's, then Molly's. Just saying. You can thank me later.

Fiction
The Housekeeper and the Professor: A Novel
by Yoko Ogawa
This book is receiving some good hype in the reading underground so I was pretty excited to get my grubby little paws on it. As it turned out, it's good, not great, but there's a slow wind-up to the story telling that was so simple in nature that it had me going to the end, convinced something big was going to happen. To say more would spoil it, so I won't. I'd give it 2.2 stars out of 4.


Handwork
At a very young age I decided I could sew anything. I was also pretty sure that I would never be able to understand a sewing pattern (who writes those instructions anyways? I swear they're written by mean-spirited goblins!) so I never bothered trying to learn. I just pictured what I wanted in my mind and, well, made it. My mother let me know what seam allowances are and how to wind a bobbin and I was good to go. I also figured out how to knit doll sweaters using four thick toothpicks as knitting needles. This fact reveals both how stubborn and determined I can be when I want to make something without having to learn it conventionally. I really do struggle with many written instructions. If you can't go through the door, by all means, climb through the window....

Sew What! Skirts: 16 Simple Styles You Can Make with Fabulous Fabrics
by Francesca DenHartog
This book nicely covers all the possibilities for making your own skirts. I am not a skirts-wearer but I do love to sew the clothing ideas that my oldest daughter dreams up. The book didn't show me anything I hadn't already figured out from all these years of trial and error but I'd definitely have loved it as a teenager because it's not written in that painful, secret language that I call Vogue SewSpeak. Instead, it's just clear and simple and will get you sewing what you want to sew.

DVD
Summer and Jane Austen always go nicely together. Manley and I enjoyed this BBC version with Colin Firth, though the lead actresses' facial expressions can be distracting (mind you, I don't know what one would do with the scripted silent reactions). Firth's Darcy is almost comically hostile but it all works somehow:
Pride & Prejudice DVD (BBC DVD)

Got Book?
If you've got a book or dvd to recommend, please do! I'm always on the hunt for something new and juicy to fill my porch swinging shifts.

garden tour 2009 #10

This garden was like an outdoor art gallery.

The backyard was designed to be low maintenance so there were tons of rocks and stones. And lots of art. The owner said all of the stained-glass pieces were given to him. Lucky duck. They had obviously paid big bucks for pieces including metal work and sculptures. I didn't take photos at the entry but the two garden gates were big, old (200+ years) window grates imported from Egypt and looked fabulous.

Here's the lower patio:



Below (left) is a water feature on the patio wall. On the right is yet another stained-glass piece. I was quite taken with the patio drapes. I love big grommets. It made me want to do this with my upcoming deck curtains. My photos aren't great due to trying to avoid getting people in the pics but suffice to say this garden has a lovely, sophisticated feel to it.



This piece (left) is an old window on the fence. Two of the panes have frosted glass. A lot of the art in this garden is similar to yer typical garden art/junk but upscale versions of it. And I say, if you got the dough, by all means support the artists of this world!

There were several beveled mirrors on the back fence:



The mirrors nicely doubled the effect of the stained glass colours:



The full-sun side garden has some plants, lots of mulch and a few art pieces. The owner said all the neat-o rocks came from his cottage property (lucky dog):



The shed is in the back corner. I love the scale of the metal pieces: lusciously substantial. The stained-glass in the window came from a house in England. It's 130 years old. The previous owners were spooked by the ray of light cast by a little red section in the upper part and gave it away to this man, so he could be spooked too, perhaps (kidding, sort of). I'm telling you, he has great gift luck. My photo is overexposed but believe me that the orange paint trim looked great with the copper art:



I like this mosaic bowling ball. (I made some a few years ago with lamp globes as the forms and dollar store flat-bottomed marbles as the decoration. They've held up very well in this brutal land known as Canada.) This one is stained-glass pieces with grout:



The front yard was actually rather plain Jane (hence no photos). It gave no hint of the fun going on in the back. I would have liked to stay longer and really examine all the art but it was a crowded tour and it was hard enough to get photos without swarms of garden nuts like me lovers in the frames.

We saw a few other backyard jewels on this tour. Stay tuned for more garden tour fun and adventure.

Also:
Here's oodles more tours. Take these ideas and have fun.

radish

It seems like I just put the seeds in the ground and here I already have my first radishes. There are no words for amazing it all is (seeds, earth, sun, rain, birds, insects, life, growth, death...). It's impossible not to sound too sappy when trying to articulate the basic wonders of existence....Though I was a bit grounded when I bit into it: tangy/harsh, it was! Crunch.

PS: I've been to some more gorgeous gardens in the past week. Photo recaps coming your way soon!

frog

garden tour frog, july 2009

I think it's really neat that when people build ponds, frogs seem to find their way to them and settle in. Where do they come from and how do they know?

Because my pond is in a raised bed, I'd be totally amazed if a frog showed up there. It's doubtful, but you never know....

Random Empress fact:
I once met astronaut Buzz Aldrin. (My father was involved in several television shows that involved many famous people. My mom and I got to host the Green Room.) And it's the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 expedition. Wowsers.

Out on a limb opinion:
While space travel is intriguing and informative, I honestly believe that the planet cannot afford it anymore. Not just the expense (yikes!) but the environmental consequences as well. Just the volume of orbiting space junk is horrific, not to mention the pollution generated. And so on. And so on.

love is all there is

These two were cuddling in their pen at the park. I think they would have preferred to have a nice hiding spot to snuggle in but they made do with each other instead.

name that grin

What animal do you think this is? Without the wonky eyes, the grin always makes me laugh....

And, this little video might just make you smile:

waiting out the thunder and hail

I've always wondered how animals feel about thunder storms. Some birds continue eating at the feeder during the most ferocious storms. Squirrels don't seem to like getting too wet. This smart teen robin decided to wait on the side of the deck until the lightning finished up.

spiderweb sedum

I'm pretty sure this sedum was called 'ghost sedum' on the label but I think it's more like a spiderweb.



I was about to move it today because it's hidden under another plant but then I noticed these lovely blossoms and I decided to leave it for now. I'd really like to devise a nice planter to showcase the sedums. There are so many fascinating types.



This shot shows the blooms and the mother plant. They seem like pink balloons on strings.

linky dinks #5

Some random gardenish/earthy things:

One
There's lots of ladders in the gardens on the tours this year. I liked the one pictured here with tea pots and kettles on each step. I must have seen at least four old ladders in the garbage last week but alas, my compulsion to add more junk/art to my own garden is waning. It's seems enough right now to keep on top of the ongoing renovations (moving beds and planning new structures) and weeding. I'm mindful to really soak in the summer before winter sets in again like a cruel joke.

Two
Recently my daughter's teacher asked what choices we were making at home with the environment in mind. Our list was long, partly because there's an intrinsic connection between being green and being frugal, and, very often, what's best for the earth is also best for one's health. And ultimately, we don't have to save the earth per se but ourselves. The earth, I am sure, will carry on. Humans with fresh water and clean air: not so sure at this point. [insert dramatic music here]

Here's at good green checklist at lowimpactman:
http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2009/06/taking-personal-responsibility-for-climate-change.html

Three
I enjoy the real funky green houses. This one looks like a dream tree house:
http://www.muskokan.com/article/139916

Four
There's an outdoor contest on at apartment therapy. Some of it's more decorating than gardening for my taste, but there are some actual gardens in there too:
http://contests.apartmenttherapy.com/2009/my-great-outdoors
And, apartmenttherapy is always a great resource for indoor ideas.

Five
I find Laura's Gardens in Desert garden very beautiful. And I love the garden walls.

most beautiful on the way out

Some flowers are simply their most beautiful as they are dying away.



These are/were my pink peonies.



I loved them in bloom.



I love them even more now.

current sweet spots

These are the current sweet spots in my garden:



The tall, tall old blue delphs. They are the oldest plants in my garden and still charm me each and every year. // And the cardinals who are so very affectionate with their babies. This one has two sweet, plump baby girls. He's a fine father.




These lighter blue delphs sprawl all over the pathway no matter how many times I try and tie them up. // The screaming mimis have some fine competition in the bold yellows nearby.



My newest clematis is the most successful yet. Except I bought it for it's bold red blooms which are now steering toward purple. //My messy back path is finding its groove now that the grass is gone-zo and mulch is my new best friend.



Last year's vigorous plantings are paying off now. It was an excellent growing season and many plants leaped to full size in just one season. Now, when I need a plant to suit a blank spot, I can "shop" in my own garden by dividing what I already have. I love making things work with what I have on hand.

These sweet spots are not about getting it right or perfect combinations. It's about the dishevelled mess finding some harmony, here and there and now and then, despite all the goofy choices and dumb mistakes I have made.

Perhaps this is another chapter for that great unwritten book, Life Lessons In the Garden.

a whole lotta garden tours!

There are a lot of self-guided garden tours scheduled for Saturday July 11 and Sunday July 12, 2009 in Southern Ontario (Canada). Another week and they're all done.

Be there or be square (or somewhere else).

See all the listings here.

action cam: cardinal

I don't know who startled more: he or me. I'll call it a tie.

i am not the mother of this squirrel

Sure, he's cute from a distance. But the problem is, he's imprinted on me. He thinks I'm his mommy. I open the kitchen curtain and-



He lunges toward the window to get closer.



I tap on the glass to scare him off-



And he pries his head through the hole in the screen-



No birdseed. No peanuts. Not a scrap of anything edible. Yet he won't stop following me around. I swear the kid is not my son.

the screaming mimi's are out

At this time of year we get a lot of thunder storms that look like this:



And when the sun comes out again the screaming mimi's (my nickname for the extremely orange lilies) look like this:



The louder the better: these colours make me unfathomably happy.



I bought just three of them a few years ago. The have been very happy to be fruitful and multiply. And KNOCK WOOD they are the only lilies I have that have not been taken over by red lily beetles. BUT PLEASE DON'T SAY THIS OUT LOUD OR I MAY BE JINXED. Or maybe they're there but they're blending in to the colour. lol.

garden tour 2009 #9

This house is very old for this area. It's around 180 years old.



The garden looked fairly young but off to a good start.



I noticed the lupines and delphiniums are all 'goosenecking' this year. Must be something to do with the weather....



There's a waterfall and pond by the back porch:




Sedum in a tea cup:



This is another view of the garden by the front of the house:



I would have loved to see inside the house. It was very nicely restored and had huge outbuildings that seemed to be used as additional apartments.

garden tour 2009 #8

After visiting this property we learned that we were actually in the midst of a lot of unusual birds and we didn't see any of them: we were too busy walking briskly to avoid the mosquitoes. Darn!



This farm house is about a mile from the road. It's on a hill surrounded by perennial gardens, veggies gardens, farm fields, forests, and a river. Rather ideal if you ask me.



Raised beds with lots of straw in between. To me, the (minimum) perfect distance between raised beds is the same distance from the knee bone to the toes, so that you can kneel down and work unencumbered.



There are many different ways to support veggies and vines.



There's a potting shed on the side of this building (which had an indoor pool upstairs).



Potting area.



Rock gardens below the outdoor lounge.



A river runs through it. I neglected to photograph the giant beaver dam. It was impressive. I noticed the huge range of bird songs and calls while standing here, but the buzz of blood thirsty mosquitoes drove me away (it had just rained and they were hungry).



A little garden art.



This huge bed has six types of perennials that, we were told, are all going to bloom at once. I would love to see that. It was about 50x50'. Wild! I think I saw coneflower leaves but I don't know what else was cooking there.



Beautiful dry stone wall by the entrance.

And now for something completely different:



Apparently the neighbors across the street like a LOT of lawn! I'm guessing they don't get the same bird show over there. Can you imagine how long it takes to mow? Wowsers. I'll take the farm instead, thanks.

sedum shed roof

We saw this shed on a garden tour.



I hope one day we can eliminate shingles all together and have sedum rooftops on our houses instead.




It's pretty, no?

my veggie beds

We had frost into June so I didn't plant my beds until about three weeks ago. I can't believe how they've grown. Some items were starter plants from the nursery and others were planted from seed. But still, I am amazed.

Growing: red onions yellow onions celery garlic cucumber zucchini pumpkin various lettuces peppers dill peas beans parsley radishes cantaloupe approx 6 varieties of tomatoes

Also growing in the Empire: raspberries strawberries blueberries apples pears peaches

Notes:
-Tomatoes got frost bitten in the first two weeks of June. They're doing ok. Generally this means they fruit fine but look kind of ratty. More sweet golds are ready each day. That's my sweet breakfast. Yum.
-Peppers are struggling: not a good year for them! Last year was pepper perfection.
-Lettuces and parsley are edible now. The guinea pigs are happy about this.

what are they growing?

Anyone know what kind of farm this is? Whatever it is, they sell admission tickets to it....

summer sweetness

Driving home from soccer. Through the country. With my little girl.

Perfection.

garden tour 2009 #7

Every so often we visit a garden where I have this crazy, visceral reaction and I feel like I'm going to cry. Seriously. There's something about the space that carries this huge emotional wave and I get verklempt. Often the garden is very obviously beautiful but there's also an extra something-something that just gets me. Fortunately I don't actually break down in tears but occasionally I teeter on the edge. Not sad tears. Just gutwrenchingly joyful, floating above the worries of the world peaceful happy tears. You know that kind, right?

This was one of those gardens. Ironically, I was so distracted by my earthly body reacting to the beauty that I did not get any really good photos. And then, I chatted with the owner a while and soaked in the details, and my hand evidently became incapable of shooting more photos. I was kind of stunned.

Oh welly-well. Here's what I did get. Here's the entrance to the back garden:



Since I've already confessed my garden joy weepies, I might as well spill another garden-related oddity I have. Smell-o-vision. Yes! Sometimes when I see a photo of a plant I enjoy the scent of, I can smell it. Really smell it. As if it was right there in front of me. In particular, I get this with roses and peonies. I experience this when I look at this next photo, partly because the scent as we walked through this section was divine (remember, you have to pronounce it DEE-vine for the full effect) and partly because, well, my smell-o-vision rarely fails me. I even get it from seed and plant catalogues:



Can you smell it? Anyone else have smell-o-vision? I'm honestly not kidding. I think that's why I'm so photo-centric. My memories are visually centred. I can remember a lot of details from pictures. Without the photo reminders, the past is a mystery to me (just ask Manley!).



Notice the fence. When privacy is not priority and you've got neighbors with great gardens too, these peek-a-boo fences look great.

This yard is seriously sloped, dropping about ten feet from one side to the other. The owners used the slope to create a pond and waterfall in the middle (bottom left of this next photo you can see the water spewing from a pond spitter):



This is the lower back corner:



Frogs in a bird bath:



View of the pond from the deck off the back of the house:



What I didn't manage to photograph in my emotionally-compromised state: there was a beautiful flowering tree beside the deck. The owner said one day she came out to find five baby raccoons climbing up the branches to eat the berries. Each animal managed to snap off a major branch of the tree, setting its growth back several years. It still looked great. Funny story.

I also never managed to get a good overview shot of the entire yard though I had the chance while up on the deck. Oh well. There's always the memories. Ok, not really. I have a terrible memory, hence the constant use of my camera.

But do close your eyes and take in the peonies. Heavenly scent, that is.

garden tour 2009 #3

This garden was a big departure from the usual fare, and had that Wow factor as we entered the back yard. It has a Japanese influence with a lot of rocks and stones, a pond, evergreens, some Japanese maples, and many potted bonsai trees.



The bonsais are kept outdoors year round. In the winter they are protected with burlap and boxes.



The pond is in the centre of the yard. There is a path that winds the whole way around the pond.



The only blooming plants I noticed were some irises in and beside the pond.



This sitting area is in the back corner. I wish I had done a better job photographing the fence. There was an elaborate design to the top of the fence (above the lattice) which really accentuated the theme.



The absence of blooming flowers made the contrasts between the greens much more evident.



The yard is heavily treed and the shade gave a lovely relaxed mood to the garden. The owner was obviously most enchanted with his large collection of bonsais.

Our visit felt like we stepped into another world. I enjoyed it but know that my own eternal fatuation with anything the blooms is far too advanced to ever have the discipline to adopt a theme like this one. But to each their own!

linky dinks #4

I have to laugh when I see the links I've placed here. The topics vary, to say the least!
And be warned, there's actual garden-related content at the end.

Hermits
Our society places a lot of attention and value in very social, outgoing people. As a happy introvert who does not socialize, I am always interested to hear from the hermits:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jun/20/experience-hermit
Go hermits!
Those of us who don't make a big splash in life can't help but wonder if our value is kin to the sound of a tree falling in a forest or the true measure is perhaps left to the judgement of something greater than all of us....

Backyard Chickens
Toronto is talking about backyard chickens. I always cringe when governments look into legalizing stuff like this because it can really backfire on those who have simply gone about their business for a long time without anyone complaining...But urban gardens and livestock are newsworthy right now so onward and upward:
http://www.thestar.com/News/GTA/article/651938

Self-portrait
This is a fun self-portrait:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/somethingtosee/134456334/

What's in Your Shampoo?
Not to spoil any remaining hope you might have for humankind, but this CBC radio interview is another four-alarm wake up call about the harmfulness of common household products:
Slow Death by Rubber Duck
http://podcast.com/show/2685/

What causes cruelty?
This interview explores what new research shows about cruelty. I'm hopeful when I hear stuff like this because it reaches toward root causes and (therefore) the possibility of prevention instead of just vilifying the offenders:
http://podcast.com/show/2685/

David Sedaris
I was working in the garden the other day as I listened to an interview with David Sedaris. He makes my day. At one point I realized I was snorting out loud about six feet from a cable guy who was quietly working on a street box. Happily foolish, I am.
See the Podcast from Monday June, 22, 2009
http://www.cbc.ca/podcasting/pastpodcasts.html?42#ref42


Raised Beds
If you have raised-bed-mania in your garden like I do in mine, have a look at Dorothy Ainsworth's article here. There's oodles of ideas and inspiration:
http://www.dorothyainsworth.com/garden/beds.html

pond in a box

A few weeks ago I built three raised beds in the front garden. Two are for veggies and this one is for the little pond (the photo was taken in early June just after construction):



I've always resisted this idea because I really like a pond to look like it occurred naturally where it is. But now that I've got it this way, I really like it. It's very easy to take care of and we see it a lot since it's by the front door. I couldn't excavate in this area so this was my only real option.

I would still love to cover the exterior of the wood with a gorgeous vertical row of thick, dark twigs, but for now it is what it is.

The pond box is 4x8' and that is the full width of my garden in this area. The green grass section on the right is You-Know-Whos.*

I let things settle for a few weeks to build up some yummy scum before introducing some fish. We bought eight 'feeder' fish.

This photo was taken as my daughter was releasing them:



So far they are very happy, zipping around like maniacs. Next I hope to build a good-looking trellis/screen across the back length of the pond so I can a) grow some vines there and 2) block out Mr. Two Shrubs Now One Shrub* in an aesthetically-pleasing way.

*To give credit where credit is due, Mr. Two Shrubs Now One Shrub has become remarkably tolerant of my gardening antics. He's come a long way since I first met him and he became speechless and twitchy when I told him I would not ever use pesticides in our yard and he mustn't either.

first harvest

It seems a little backwards to be showing off the first harvest when I haven't even shown the food gardens I planted recently....but here it is: some ripe sweet gold tomatoes and a few strawberries which the birds kindly sampled first.

The tomatoes are from a nursery plant that was already fruiting when I got it a month ago. All this June rain has fed it well. The 'regular' tomatoes will be ready in August.

I moved the strawberries to the perennial flower beds this spring. I had them in the backyard clay patch but they looked miserable. I must have moved them in time because now they are happily fruiting. They seem to like being sheltered by the bigger plants and the birds have a harder time spotting the fruit. Most of the time.

Delish.

father's day. sort of.

First of all, I wish to confess that I am not a fan of these designated days of sentiment and gifts. Even if you took away all the commercial crap attached to them, it still rings forced and hollow to me. An externally-imposed obligation. Same goes for all the other red letter days of the year. I love my family. I love my time with them. I feel very loved by them. Every day. Not a fan of The Special Days.

That said, all this Dad talk today gets me thinking about my own father who died twenty years ago. I was actually first reminded by this quote that appeared on my Twitter feed this morning:

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”-Rumi

That was certainly true for me. My father's illness and death was completely intertwined with my own experience as a first-time mom. I had lived in a bubble until he became terminally ill. Despite working in an Emergency Department for several years, and seeing every possible type of accident and illness, I somehow thought that those terrible things only happened to other people. I had managed to get through my first twenty five years without a death in the family. Even family pets seemed to be given away before they ever died! My father's stage 4 diagnosis and my own first miscarriage of a much-wished-for-child occurred on the very same day and that was a defining moment in my life. I realized we're all truly in the same boat and none of us are exempt from the sorrows of life. The bubble had burst. Whenever the grass looks greener on the other side, I remind myself of this again. Or, as REM put it, Everybody hurts. Sometime.

I went on to have a successful pregnancy some months later. My father, remarkably, had a few months of feeling much better, accomplishing some of the best work of his life, before his illness yanked him out of the life he had known once and for all . He was a writer and journalist and worked like a fiend. One of his most helpful bits of advice was, You know the writing is good when the words don't get in the way. In other words, the meaning just flows. The reader understands. When I would get stuck in an essay for school he would say, Decide what you are trying to say and say it. I still use that one every day when my thoughts are jumbled and the meaning seems just out of reach.

When my daughter was born, my parents came to see us in the hospital. My father sat and held her, his own skin covered in a strange purple rash from his chemotherapy. In another irony, we had chosen our girl's name about two years earlier. It's a derivative of my dad's name. I was very teary-eyed realizing how the torch was being passed. A half hour later my mom and dad headed to the seventh floor of the same hospital where he was admitted and remained for the rest of his days. The cancer was winning. It did seem like a cruel and ironic exchange program.

My maternity leave from work enabled me to spend the next six months immersed both in new motherhood and the last days of my father's life. Had I not lost the first pregnancy, the timing would have been completely off. I would have been back to work, torn between time with the baby and time with my dad. Instead, fate intervened and I was given all the time I needed exactly when I needed it. I also managed to have one of those very agreeable babies that nursed like a piglet and never cried so she was quiet enough to sneak into the palliative care area whenever I wanted. The nurses were torn between wanting to reprimand me for potentially exposing her to illnesses and asking to hold her. I basically ignored them on both counts, knowing where I wanted to be and that I had to breast-feed on demand to be able to be there.

Six months later, on what turned out to be the day before my dad died, I came to the hospital to visit him and my mom. I had the baby in the Snuggly. I had just returned to work a few days before. My dad was sleeping and as I stood quietly chatting with my mother, the baby suddenly let out a big coo! My father opened his eyes and smiled at us. Hello, Lovey, he said and closed his eyes again, back into that deep, but unrestful heavily-medicated sleep.

And that's my last memory of him alive.

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”-Rumi

I did indeed grieve and still do, but I also see how what was lost has indeed returned in many different ways.

PS: Manley, on the other hand, seems to loves these 'designated days' so we're off to do something to make his Father's Day special.